


A Long Way Down

by truthinadvertising



Category: Lost
Genre: And I will never stop being angry about Charlie, Angst, Desmond is SAD, Desmond's visions, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Post "Not Penny's Boat", Sorry Des, The Looking Glass Dharma Initiative Station, dealing with death, little bit of self-harm suicidal ideation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2019-12-02
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:15:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21643531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/truthinadvertising/pseuds/truthinadvertising
Summary: After Charlie died Desmond was left alone to tell everyone what happened. But what can Desmond tell himself to ease his own pain? Well...Nothing.
Relationships: Desmond Hume & Charlie Pace, Desmond Hume/Penelope Widmore
Kudos: 4





	A Long Way Down

**Author's Note:**

> LOST????? In this the year of our lord 2019????? 
> 
> This is actually a cross-post from Fanfic.net that I originally posted.....in 2007. Peak LOST years. 
> 
> Yeah, I've been an angsty emo bitch since 2007. Back off. 
> 
> Anyway, I didn't think it was horrible. I do think I've gotten better in the last 12 years but I always think it's interesting to look back where you started.

"Charlie, no!!!" Desmond screamed through the glass.

But Charlie couldn't hear him. Charlie couldn't hear anyone. Charlie couldn't even feel the pressure of the water, bearing down on him. He just floated there, his hand raised in a sick and ironic imitation of a farewell gesture.

Desmond began slamming his fist against the door bruising the side of his hand.

"Charlie, Charlie, no no no, CHARLIE!!" He shouted through his tears and sliding down the door until he was sobbing on his knees in front of the unbreakable door.

Why had he been so careless? Why hadn't he run faster? Why hadn't he listened to Charlie back in the jungle when they had captured that bloody Russian? Desmond had no answers to give himself. His mind was racing. Too many things were happening too quickly. Penny's transmission, the Russian, Mikhail hadn't died but was now, Charlie was gone, he was alone.

Desmond looked up at the porthole where he had last seen Charlie, Penny, Mikhail…Charlie had so much trust in his eyes as he drowned. He trusted Desmond, he was sure that Desmond was right, that he had to die to save them all. But Desmond wasn't even sure if he was right anymore.

Charlie trusted the flashes and Desmond had to, but now he thought differently. Why did Charlie have to do this? He had been trying for so long to keep Charlie alive, to be able to cheat fate out of another victim. He supposed that he had become certain that he would always save Charlie; that he would always be around. Des hadn't been ready for this.

Desmond stood up and looked at Charlie one last time. His friend floated wraith-like in the water, then Desmond looked at the computer where his love had been moments before. He had lost them both. Charlie was gone because of him and Penny had been washed away in the short circuits of electricity because of Desmond.

Desmond hated himself. Everything that had happened was his fault. Charlie wouldn't even be here if Desmond had done his job and pressed that bloody button. He felt anger rise in him so hot it was lucky there was no one with him because they would also surely have died. But Desmond had no one to vent to, no one to hurt, no one to kill, no one but himself. Desmond screamed and punched the door again in a last-ditch attempt to free Charlie. Nothing happened. Desmond walked from the door, quivering with anger.

"Why?" He yelled "Why does everything I do turn against me? Why can't something I do turn out right?" But no one could hear him. He was in a chamber of death. The two women were dead and under covers, Charlie was still floating as was Mikhail who Des could see out of the window in the room with that bloody yellow light, and Desmond's hopes had died too.

As Desmond screamed to nothing, his anger at himself subsided into pure guilt and self-pity. Why was he the only one coming back from this place? Charlie had a place on the Island as did the three Hostiles who were also dead. Why was Desmond the only one alive? No one needed him. Penny could find the Island without him. The boat offshore could leave without him. The only thing that wouldn't happen without him was that no one would know that Naomi was a liar and the boat might not be what it appeared. But why bother really? Everything that Des tried to do backfired. Asking for Penny's hand in marriage didn't work. Joining the military to earn Widmore's respect wound up in disaster, the same with the boat race. Even blowing the dam with the hatch had cursed him with these flashes which led to death.

And now he had to tell Claire.

Des looked at the moon pool, the only way he was going to leave. Then he looked back at Charlie. Desmond felt tears again seeing Charlie and thinking of Penny, he would probably never see either again. Desmond wiped his eyes,

"I _**will**_ see you in another life brother." He said, "No matter what these flashes say." He took a deep breath and dove into the moon pool. Desmond clawed his way through the water under the station to the open water and he grabbed the cable and dragged himself up to the surface.

Desmond breached the water and launched himself into the boat. As he lay on the floor panting, he thought of Charlie far below who would never be able to draw sweet air into his lungs again. Desmond sat up and put his head in his hands trying to clear his head from all his worries and sadness. As he blinked more tears from his eyes he saw something white in his chest pocket.

Desmond slowly pulled out the piece of paper and his moral fell even lower as he opened it. Charlie's greatest hits. The ink had run and the soaking paper had fallen apart. It was gone just like its writer. With a yell, Desmond threw it into the water and watched it sink. Charlie had trusted him with it and Desmond had failed, yet again. As the rest of the paper disintegrated and the boat started to take on water through the holes Mikhail put in it. He really didn't know why he even tried.


End file.
